Small Family

Small Family

Wednesday, December 30, 2020

2020 Books

Time for my annual book list! This is my fourth year making such a list, and really it’s more for my own personal reflection and records than anything else. I also love getting reading suggestions from friends and discussing books we have in common, so if you’ve read any of these, I’d love to chat about it!

Titles are organized by category: non-fiction, memoir, fiction. In lieu of a summary, I decided to choose a favorite quote from each book. Over the summer I took a course on racial reconciliation, and many of the books I chose were related to that course. I honestly enjoyed all of these selections, so it’s hard to say which is my favorite. Hopefully you’ll find one to add to your list!





Non-Fiction


  1. We Were Eight Years in Power: An American Tragedy by Ta-Nehisi Coates “In those days I imagined racism as a tumor that could be isolated and removed from the body of America, not as a pervasive system both native and essential to that body. From that perspective, it seemed possible that the success of one man really could alter history, or even end it.”

  2. Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson (The movie was incredible, as well!) “Proximity has taught me some basic and humbling truths, including this vital lesson: Each of us is more than the worst thing we’ve ever done. My work with the poor and the incarcerated has persuaded me that the opposite of poverty is not wealth; the opposite of poverty is justice. Finally, I’ve come to believe that the true measure of our commitment to justice, the character of our society, our commitment to the rule of law, fairness, and equality cannot be measured by how we treat the rich, the powerful, the privileged, and the respected among us. The true measure of our character is how we treat the poor, the disfavored, the accused, the incarcerated, and the condemned.”

  3. Slavery by Another Name by Douglas A. Blackmon “When white Americans frankly peel back the layers of our commingled pasts, we are all marked by it. Whether a company or an individual, we are marred by our connections to the specific crimes and injuries of our fathers and their fathers. Or we are tainted by the failures of our fathers to fulfill our national credos when their courage was most needed. We are formed in molds twisted by the gifts we received at the expense of others. It is not our “fault.” But it is undeniably our inheritance.”

  4. How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi “To be antiracist is to also recognize the living, breathing reality of this racial mirage, which makes our skin colors more meaningful than our individuality. To be antiracist is to focus on ending the racism that shapes the mirages, not to ignore the mirages that shape people’s lives.” (I highlighted 21 passages!)

  5. Tightrope by Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn “As we’ll see, American kids today are 55% more likely to die by the age of nineteen than children in the other rich countries that are members of the OECD, the club of industrialized nations. America now lags behind its peer countries in health care and high school graduation rates while suffering greater violence, poverty, and addiction….For America to be strong, we must strengthen all Americans.”

  6. The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin (This divides people into four categories: Upholder, Rebel, Obliger, and Questioners. I’m definitely an Upholder married to an Obliger, which made it an interesting read.) “Upholders sometimes have trouble delegating, because they assume that others will drop the ball or won’t do a good job.” Guilty!

  7. Stamped from the Beginning by Ibram X. Kendi (I loved his first book so much that I looked for other things he has written. There is a kids version of this book that I listened to with my kids. Highly recommend, but maybe for ages 10 and up.) “The title...comes from a speech that Mississippi senator Jefferson Davis gave on the floor of the US Senate on April 12, 1860. This future president of the Confederacy objected to a bill funding Black education in Washington, D.C. ‘This government was not founded by negroes nor for negroes,’ Davis lectured his colleagues. The bill was based on the false notion of racial equality, he declared. The ‘inequality of the white and black races’ was ‘stamped from the beginning’.”

  8. Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? by Beverly Daniel Tatum “We need to understand that in racially mixed settings, racial grouping is a developmental process in response to an environmental stressor, racism. Joining with one’s peers for support in the face of stress is a positive coping strategy.”


In retrospect, I should have read these books in this order: Stamped from the Beginning, Slavery by Another Name, Just Mercy, We Were Eight Years in Power: An American Tragedy, to get a better chronological perspective on how Black Americans have been treated in the United States.



Memoir

  1. I’m Still Here by Austin Channing Brown “Our only chance at dismantling racial injustice is being more curious about its origins than we are worried about our comfort. It's not a comfortable conversation for any of us. It is risky and messy. It is haunting work to recall the sins of our past. But is this not the work we have been called to anyway? Is this not the work of the Holy Spirit to illuminate truth and inspire transformation? It's haunting. But it's also holy.”

  2. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou “She comprehended the perversity of life, that in the struggle lies the joy.”

  3. A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah “I believe children have the resilience to outlive their sufferings, if given a chance.”

  4. Educated by Tara Westover “You are not fool’s gold, shining only under a particular light. Whomever you become, whatever you make yourself into, that is who you always were. It was always in you. Not in Cambridge. In you. You are gold. And returning to BYU, or even to that mountain you came from, will not change who you are. It may change how others see you, it may even change how you see yourself--even gold appears dull in some lights--but that is the illusion. And it always was.”

  5. Born a Crime by Trevor Noah “‘Why teach a black child white things?’ Neighbors and relatives used to pester my mom. ‘Why do all this? Why show him the world when he’s never going to leave the ghetto?’ ‘Because,’ she would say, ‘even if he never leaves the ghetto, he will know that the ghetto is not the world. If that is all I accomplish, I’ve done enough.’”

  6. Promise Me, Dad by Joe Biden “So how do I want to spend the rest of my life? I want to spend as much time as I can with my family, and I want to help change the country and the world for the better. That duty does much more than give me purpose; it gives me something to hope for. It makes me nostalgic for the future.”

  7. The Sun Does Shine by Anthony Ray Hinton (Ray Hinton spent nearly 30 years on death row for a murder he did not commit.) “I try not to ask, ‘Why me?’ That’s a selfish question. I ask ‘Why anyone?’” 1 in 10 on death row since 1976 have been found to be innocent.



Fiction

  1. Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston “It is so easy to be hopeful in the daytime when you can see the things you wish on. But it was night, it stayed night. Night was striding across nothingness with the whole round world in his hands . . . They sat in company with the others in other shanties, their eyes straining against cruel walls and their souls asking if He meant to measure their puny might against His. They seemed to be staring at the dark, but their eyes were watching God.”

  2. The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway “Going to another country doesn’t make any difference. I’ve tried all that. You can’t get away from yourself by moving from one place to another. There’s nothing to that.”

  3. For Whom the Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemingway “If we win here we will win everywhere. The world is a fine place and worth the fighting for and I hate very much to leave it.”

  4. After Leaving the Village by Helen Matthews (Fictional account of an all-too-common story of how a young girl becomes a victim of modern-day slavery.) “A smiling sun-tanned couple, wearing matching stripy tops and white anoraks, are approaching. The woman glances at Odeta and stares, as if she detects something amiss. Odeta tries to make eye contact to blink out a signal but Kostandin notices and shifts his grip from her arm to her wrist. He pulls her towards him and holds her in a clinch as if they’re a couple, embracing after a long separation; his fingernails dig into her wrist. He’s not a tall man and, over his shoulder, she locks eyes with the woman in the white anorak and moves her lips in a silent plea. The woman’s face flickers with unease and she whispers something to her husband. He glances at Odeta over his horn-rimmed spectacles, then looks away, linking his arm through his wife’s and hurrying her on. The woman swivels her head and looks back over her shoulder mouthing a word that looks like ‘sorry.’ Then she’s gone.”

  5. Go Tell It on the Mountain by James Baldwin “But to look back from the stony plain along the road which led one to that place is not at all the same thing as walking on the road; the perspective to say the very least, changes only with the journey; only when the road has, all abruptly and treacherously, and with an absoluteness that permits no argument, turned or dropped or risen is one able to see all that one could not have seen from any other place.”



What did you read in 2020?? Please send me your recommendations!



Sunday, May 10, 2020

The Things My Mother Gave Me


Today is Mother’s Day in the US and a few other countries around the world, and I’ve been reflecting on my relationship with my own mom and how it’s impacted how I raise my children. It’s made me realize just how similar we are and how I’ve become more and more like her over the years. 

Physically, I’ve always been very like my mom. We are the same height and have the same hair color and skin tone. We wear the same size shoes and clothing, which has come in handy for me many times as I’ve gone into her closet looking for just the right thing to wear to an event. Our voices are very similar, as well. Back in the day when you had to call one phone to reach any member of a given family, I was often confused for her, by both strangers and friends.

My mom loves giving gifts, especially to the people she loves, so she has given me countless gifts over my lifetime. I have reminded her many times that I am now an adult with my own family, and she doesn’t actually have to buy things for me anymore. But she loves to give, and so the celebratory gifts haven’t stopped.

This year, though, I’ve been thinking about all the gifts she has inadvertently given me: 

Her laugh. My mom has a big laugh, and mine is just the same, which has gotten me into trouble with others more than once. (I’d like to publicly apologize to Andrea and Kristin, who in university had to repeatedly bang on the wall when I was laughing too loudly while they were trying to study.) Mom also loves to laugh, especially at herself. What a gift it was to grow up in a family that was always laughing, usually at each other’s expense.

Her love of food. Both sides of my family are blessed with excellent cooks and people who are always happy to eat what is being served. My mom happens to fit into both categories. She can whip up a meal for 30 people in no time and make it look absolutely effortless. There is more than one dish for which she is famous in our little town, and even though she has shared all her recipes with me, my versions never taste as good. Growing up, one of us girls always had a friend around, and she was always happy to add in an extra person or two to our meals. Even today, as adults, my friends or my sisters’ friends will pop in on my parents and Mom will fix them something to eat, usually a dish that she remembers them loving.

Her penchant for projects. Friends of my mom often refer to her as the Energizer Bunny because she never stops! She is a full-time teacher, volunteers at church, and is involved in the local theatre. In addition to all these things, she always has a project going. She loves DIY projects and, due to my parents’ involvement in several properties around town, there is always something that needs doing. During this quarantine time she has repainted most of the inside and outside of her house, refurbished several items of furniture, and learned how to use a mitre saw. Unfortunately, I did not receive her eye for interior design, so my projects usually don’t turn out nearly as well. Inexplicably, I keep doing them.

Her love of music and theatre. Singing and dancing were absolutely normal and expected parts of my childhood. We sang at home, at church, at the theatre, in the car, on the street. Going to see a show at the theatre was also a regular occurrence. It was usually the local theatre with amateur productions, but we loved it and would continue singing the songs and re-enacting our favorite scenes for weeks after. While I didn’t inherit my mother’s acting ability, I do inundate my children with musical theatre references. If we’re listening to music, it’s nearly always the soundtrack to a film or stage production. I hope my own children will look back on it with the same sense of fondness that I do.

Her sense of adventure. There are not a lot of pictures of my mom when she was young, primarily because she was the fifth child and grew up in the 60s. One of the few pictures I have seen, though, is of her as a teenager in Spain. She had traveled to Europe with a school group and volunteered to participate in a bullfight! The picture is of her holding the matador’s cape with the bull running at her. We also now have pictures of her jumping out of an airplane, hiking mountains in Hong Kong, and snorkeling in Thailand, and those are all in the last ten years!

Thank you, Mom, for the countless ways that you have helped nurture me and allowed me to grow as a person and a mom. I hope to be as generous with my time, talents, and space as you are with both family and strangers. Thank you for the gift of your love, and thank you for showing me what it means to be selfless and courageous for the ones you hold dear. Happy Mother’s Day!

Monday, April 6, 2020

Books from 2019

Yes, it is April 2020, but even though we’re well into the next year I wanted to post my list of books read in 2019. This is mostly to keep myself accountable and to remember what I’ve read, but I also really love getting book recommendations from friends and find that their recommendations are what I tend to enjoy reading the most. So here’s my list, in case you are the same:


Faith
My faith is really important to me and, as such, I try to devote a significant amount of my yearly reading to learning how to deepen it. This year’s selections came almost exclusively from friends’ suggestions, and they were all great.
  1. Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis Majors
  2. Uncommon Marriage by Tony and Lauren Dungy
  3. Letters to the Church by Francis Chan
  4. Elisabeth Elliot: Do the Next Thing by Selah Helms
  5. Is God Anti-Gay? By Sam Allberry 
  6. Everybody Always by Bob Goff
  7. The Book of Forgiving by Desmond Tutu and Mpho Tutu

The picture is the poem which inspired the title for the book on Elisabeth Elliot. I enjoyed the poem so much that I turned it into a picture that I could look at often to remember to not try and figure out all the future details, but just do what the Lord has set in front of me for now.



Parenting

Parenting three very different children comes with lots of challenges, and parenting them outside my own culture has brought its own difficulties. These two books have tons of practical advice for parents in these particular situations (raising children outside the parents’ home cultures and raising children who struggle with executive function skills) and we have implemented some to great success. I listened to both of these as audiobooks but want to purchase hard copies in the future because both are books I plan to read again to keep their messages fresh in my mind. Can’t recommend these enough!

1. Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds by David C. Pollock and Ruth E. Van Reken
2. Smart but Scattered by Peg Dawson and Richard Guare



Sustainability
In 2019 I tried to focus more on sustainability, not only as a way to help conserve resources but also as to how it relates to forced labor and human trafficking. These two books were incredibly informative and have already impacted how I shop, mend, recycle, repurpose, etc. Highly recommend!

1. The Story of Stuff by Annie Leonard
2. Overdressed: The Shockingly High Cost of Cheap Fashion by Elisabeth Cline



Mental Illness
These are very different books but both informative in different ways. The first focuses on one family’s journey through recurring mental illness and the second discusses the Church’s role in supporting families who are affected by mental illness. Both were fantastic.

1. My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward by Mark Lukach
2. Troubled Minds by Amy Simpson


Social Justice
This is a super broad category but as social justice in general is important to me, I always try and fit in a few reads that are related to it. All three books are related to issues within the US, an area about which I was lacking knowledge (I had learned a lot about issues in Southeast Asia and elsewhere, but hadn’t focused on the US). All are really insightful, no matter your level of expertise.

1. Rethinking Incarceration by Dominique Gilliard
2. Renting Lacy by Linda Smith
3. Somebody's Daughter by Julian Sher


Life from other Perspectives
For the last few years I have been trying to read books by people who are not like me (white, Christian, American--any one of those categories at least). It has been extremely informative and opened my eyes to how people from other backgrounds experience life differently. C.S. Lewis’s book details his experience of losing a spouse, Lisa Gungor’s book discusses her and her husband’s fall from grace within Christian circles as they struggled with belief, and Michelle Obama’s book detailed her life before meeting Barack and how his presidency shaped their family’s lives. Lisa Gungor’s book was probably my least favorite read this year, but I was glad to hear her side of the story as I had only heard third-hand accounts of her move away from faith. I definitely recommend the others.

1. A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis
2. The Most Beautiful Thing I’ve Seen by Lisa Gungor
3. Becoming by Michelle Obama



What books have you been enjoying during this time of quarantine? Any that you would recommend? If you’ve read any of the books on this list, I would love to discuss them with you. Probably over Zoom. :)